Thoughts while watching “The Amazing Spiderman,” sorted by importance.

  • ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH THIS APARTMENT STACEY FAMILY?
  • HOW DO I GET AN APARTMENT LIKE THIS?
  • Why hasn’t Andrew Garfield taken his shirt off yet?
  • Why haven’t we gotten a good shot of Andrew Garfield’s butt?
  • Emma Stone is so cute.
  • Why can’t I be Emma Stone?
  • Emma Stone says she’s a natural blonde but I don’t want to believe that.
  • SHIRTLESS SCENE.
  • Oh, that is nice.
  • Gwen is making out with Peter and HE JUST GOT OUT THE SEWER.
  • THE SEWER.
  • WHERE THE POOP LIVES.
  • The Lizard looks like the goombas from the Super Mario Movie.
  • This thing.
  • You know I’m right.
  • Aunt Mae really got shit on in this movie.
  • Why isn’t Sally Field in more things?
  • Seriously, I bet she gets bored making fibromyalgia commercials.
  • She’s good! They should put her in more things.
  • Is it fibromyalgia or is it osteoarthritis?
  • Is fibromyalgia even a real thing?
  • I’m not sure. Better wiki it when I get home.
  • Do you think Martin Sheen is embarrassed of Charlie Sheen?
  • I bet Emilio Estevez is.
  • Why didn’t Emilio Estevez do the Sheen thing?
  • I better wiki that when I get home.
  • Is that a thing to say? “Wiki it”
  • “Look it up on Wikipedia” is just so clunky.
  • I could be on to something.
  • I wonder what Tobey Maguire is doing right now.
  • Why won’t this girl behind me shut up?
  • Why won’t this guy in front of me stop texting? The girl already said she was going to bed.
  • Are they gonna do that thing like in the cartoon where Peter turns into a big spider? That was stupid.
  • OMG MADAME WEB.
  • They never put Hobgoblin in the movies. He was so under-appreciated.
  • Stupid Green Goblin.
  • Green Goblin’s going to be the villain in 2, isn’t he?
  • Just like in the reboot of Batman.
  • Put in a lesser-known villain in the first movie.
  • Set it up for the Big Bad in 2.
  • I should not be able to predict these things.
  • Do you think Kirsten Dunst is glad they did Gwen Stacy?
  • Because, let’s be honest, in a Mary Jane vs Mary Jane showdown, Kiki’s not coming up on top.
  • Kirsten Dunst has really small teeth.
  • Heh, the director is Marc Webb.
  • Hey. Marc Webb.
  • He did “500 Days of Summer.”
  • God I love that movie.
  • And I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t hate Zozo at the end of it.
  • I mean, yeah, she broke JGL’s heart and all, but she was pretty upfront about it: “I’m only in this for the peen.”
  • MMMM Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
  • I wonder if he’s going to turn out to be Robin in the new Batman movie.
  • I hope not.
  • Robin is the worst.
  • That also works for How I Met Your Mother.
  • Wait, no. Ted is the worst.
  • Wait, are we really only getting one shirtless Andrew Garfield shot?
  • Really?!